Divorce through a child's eyes
Child Custody--a child's perspective
Child custody is a difficult part of divorce. I've listened to a number of divorced parents talk about the problems they have in getting the ex-spouse to abide by the terms of a divorce decree when it comes to child custody. Usually, one parent says the decree says I get them and that is the way it is. However, did the parent stop to consider what was going on in the child's life? While having both parents active in a child's life is good for them, parents also need to realize that sometimes you need to work around those problems for the child's sake.
What follows is a portion of a recently published article entitled, "The Halloween Story: A Lesson for Divorced or Separated Parents. The story goes like this:
"I couldn't wait to tell Mommy what I wanted to be for Halloween. A princess. But wait, was it a Mommy day or a Daddy day? I couldn't think, so I asked my teacher, after all I'm only six. My Mommy and Daddy are the "D" word. Divorced. Mommy says it's not my fault. She said that she can't live with Daddy. I heard them fighting. Mommy cried a lot. Daddy even cried too I think. They don't live together anymore, but I wish I could see both of them all the time. I have two houses now. A lot of my friends have two houses too. Its okay, but I wish everyone was happy.
My Mommy and Daddy still fight, only now it's different. Now they tell me stuff that I don't want to hear. They say things about the other one that isn't nice. Sometimes they tell their friends on the phone mean things about the other one. They think I don't hear, but I'm not stupid. So when I got to Mommy's and told her the princess idea, she was so excited. She said we could go to Grandma's and my babysitter's house. We decided to make the costume and she said she would even make me a magic wand.
The next day was a Daddy day. When he got home form work, I told him about my princess costume and going Trick or Treating with Mommy. He said that I was going with him and that I should tell my Mommy that some court thing said it was his year. I wanted to cry, only I didn't. I just stared at my Daddy who looked like he was mad and angry. His face got all red and he made a fist with his hand. I got scared. I went up to my bedroom and sat on my bed and thought about how sad my Mommy would be when she found out that I couldn't go with her.
The next day I went to Mommy's. I asked her what an Order was. She wanted to know why and I told her the Order was making me go with Daddy Trick or Treating. Now Mommy got mad. She told me that I shouldn't worry and that I was going with her. I didn't know what to do. Mommy said I was going with her and Daddy said I was going with him.
I think I don't want Halloween anymore."
Parents need to think long and hard about custody issues and the impact on the children. Although the divorce decree may state one thing, did you take your child's interest into consideration when you made that decision? Is it possible for two adults to work out the differences for the child's sake? The divorce decree may specifically state that one parent gets the child on a certain date, but most decrees start with the phrase, "Unless the parties agree otherwise, visitation shall be as follows"--a phrase most parents overlook or ignore. Next time there is a dispute in your custody arrangement, maybe the better course is to step back and consider the child's interest first. Look at life through your child's eyes who loves both parents.
Quoted article by Susan M. Daubner, published in American Association of Justice, Family Law "Section Connection", Vol. 16, No. 2, Spring 2008.
